The difference between “How can I avoid regret?” and “What regret can I live with?”. My discernment grew and I transcended.
To be because the glass is always half-full - never half empty. It’s harder to not try, so not being will never be my reality. As Søren foretold, regret either way.
There’s no right way to explore a multiverse. A lived choice is better than endless paralysis. Mystery is where the flaws of logic are exposed - wander on and be ready to bear the price.
Becoming an adult made me see myself as less confident.
But maturing made me realize something deeper.
Adulthood is not the presence of maturity — it is merely time passing.
The same way timidness is not the absence of confidence — it is simply a quieter expression of it.
Somewhere along the way, I was nearly convinced otherwise.
The world is a conveyor belt, quietly producing archetypes.
Efficiency over originality.
Conformity over creativity.
Those who are different are not always attacked directly.
They are studied. Questioned. Persuaded.
Doubt is sown just enough to make you wonder whether standing apart is a losing battle.
Conformity is cultivated, not forced.
The system works so well because its agents are unsuspecting.
People policing it — quietly, unknowingly — play the role of Big Brother.
Not from malice, but from habit. From reward. From the belief that alignment is the same as growth.
I was nearly convinced.
But not entirely.
Some part of me remained intact — discerning, watching, resisting.
Confidence is comfort and trust in oneself. It does not need to perform. It does not need permission.
As a child, I had that — not because I understood the word, but because I embodied it.
I mistook noise for proof, performance for growth.
I let water into the boat without realizing I had loosened the planks to fit in.
You’re almost thirty now, facilitating a renaissance of self.
That bit of you, deep inside me under all the rubble, whispered life into my discernment.
I am remembering what I already knew.
Dear seven-year-old me,
You were never lacking.
You were quiet, not uncertain.
They nearly convinced you otherwise.
Nearly.
Fee-fi-fo-fum
I see a timid individual,
powerful beyond his comprehension.
The devil commits:
grind him down, make a feast of him.
“I will huff and puff
and blow your house down,”
he murmurs with a despicable smirk.
Food—good to eat,
sufficient for my hunger.
Linger longer in self-doubt,
and with certainty
become more appetising.
Fee-fi-fo-fum
Destined to be at odds,
David to my Goliath.
Be he anointed or uninitiated,
I must huff and puff
and blow his house down.
Leaning toward glee, light and love,
the Son of David endures
trials of darkness.
From his dwelling of faith and holiness
he discerns the truth:
the devil draws strength from preying on the doubtful and misinformed.
My dreams are an aphid —
each achievement
the epitome of a telescopic pregnancy.
Fully conscious of progress,
borderline boastful —
evolved enough to admit
I sometimes do the wrong things
for the right reasons.
A self-aggrandising saviour complex
I’ve grown passive about.
I reflect so much
I no longer see the need for mirrors.
Trying to be intentional
about everything
only to complicate everything —
and yet, I still remind myself:
“it is that deep.”
I write because it validates
and regulates me.
I do good unto others
because it fulfils me.
I live in the light
as much as I can.
I have curated my life
to serve others but not myself —
I am the main character
trying to decenter himself.
I’ve been in plenty of situations where I acted first and thought later. I’ve also been in situations where I thought first— but stayed stuck and did nothing at all. Turns out, that’s labour lost.
Failing out loud has helped me become as polished as I am in many things. Sometimes, you’ve got to run before you walk. Without realising, I taught myself that action precedes clarity. Act first. Fix it as you go.
Progress is not linear—and guess what? Nor is failure. Fixate more on intentionality than on things outside your control. Remember: the aim is to maintain a high-level construal - maintain the distance (a few steps back) to always be in view of the bigger picture.
Platonic love is my fountain of youth.
It protects me from only being validated by a primal love.
“You don’t have to be grand, just do it right.”
Love isn’t always loud or dramatic; often it lives in quiet consistency.
A sense of belonging — a love that fills without taking.
Atomic gestures with an ineffable significance.
All big things are a sum of small things grouped together.
Hone the skill to detect them — show grace and gratitude.
Philia, Storge, Agape, and Philautia — proof of His likeness and our lifeline.
Replenish your life force by simply being aware.
You will be uplifted
Sustained
Transcend, and
Be rooted.
Shalom.
Privileged to get another portion of this sacred daily bread,
I know not to dwell on worldly attachments.
I carry the rock I nestle my head on
as I march on to Haran.
Goodness and mercy keep me company;
surely they shall follow me to the end of our pilgrimage.
Marching through in Autumn,
expecting flowers soon, with bees after.
Pivoting away from lovers not of my rib,
survived Winter - following the compass of my heart.
Grateful for my critical thinking,
as many follow the map of their palms.
Constantly reminding myself of the concept of abundance,
we journey to green pastures and quiet waters,
where ethereal restoration awaits.
