The "Beautiful Mess" effect

It has been said that other people view us in a more positive light (perceive us with a high construal) when we show or are not afraid to show our vulnerability/flaws. Some view it as a sign of courage (but some view it as a sign of weakness). “Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me”. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable feels very uncomfortable short-term but has more rewards long-term.

If one stays true to oneself, it will be easier to know if other individuals accept/like one for who one truly is. People will find it easier to relate and connect – this helps others reciprocate this energy and actions in how they interact with one. One is more susceptible to intentional expressions of vulnerability through actions such as admitting mistakes, seeking help, apologizing (first), and/or confessing one’s intentions/feelings.

“How strongly have you shown courage”? Self-disclosure can become difficult owing to a low construal level. A low construal level is when one views their flaws concretely – this pertains to focusing on the present with great detail via secondary peripheral features that have nothing to do with the bigger picture. These can be things that are beyond one’s control – this leads to ultimately reducing oneself to a subordinate thinker and susceptible to focus on all negative aspects of the scenario. A high construal level allows us to view flaws more abstractly – one will only focus on the details that matter most in aiding one in reaching their ideal scenario. One only focuses on what they can change and actively try to do well in those tasks or within those parameters.

Ignoring imperfections or pretending that they do not exist only leads on the path of a self-defeating cycle – this will result in one attempting to please others without accepting oneself first. Hone self-talk – develop self-dialogue that will facilitate for constant reflection of self. Be open to learning with the intention of overcoming your flaws. Be a beautiful mess.