I trust you.

Of all things in life I yearn for the state of peace 

How could a feeling be so familiar before I’ve  experienced it?

When I close my eyes, I know how it sounds, feels and tastes

Is peace tangible?

Maybe it’s a choice?

Is peace a reaction or a response?

Sometimes knowing I am trying my best feels like peace 

Sometimes peace is just being in my own space…

Recently I’ve realised it could be being reliable to someone you love

How is peace so many things and nothing specific?

I could not tell you what it means to me but I know how it sounds, feels and tastes

As much as it varies from time to time…

It seems it is a combination of things but the most bombarding thing about it is that I have to keep working to achieve calmness

What worked yesterday won’t work tomorrow 

What works tomorrow might not work in a week

The constant shift of learning and unlearning in real time… that’s what I need to figure out.

I find peace in my confidence in self

I find peace in being loved

I find peace in my art

I find peace in knowing… 

I am not forsaken 

I’ll just collect my moments of solace to even myself out to keep moving forward 

I know I only have life in abundance. 

Festering/Blossoming

Be careful,

Stay strong minded

Believe in something or fall for anything

Existing is traumatic…

Know yourself or 

Your existence becomes the reckoning of being septic 

That becomes the difference between blossoming and festering

Be gentle,

Take care of your mental

Mind your business and

Mind your company.

The mind is the window to the soul

The eyes never lie, don’t say eye too much.

Realise there’s something greater than you

That becomes the difference between blossoming and festering

Your body is a temple,

A garden of Eden 

You are not your own. 

Love is about giving not receiving 

Shan’t you be conscious of reaping as much as you can before the reaper comes

Be the vessel you were meant to be…

A beautiful creation but don’t be vain 

That becomes the difference between blossoming and festering

Trinity can be Me, Myself and I

Or the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit 

That becomes the difference between blossoming and festering

I hope you’ll see the Field of Reeds

Stipend.

 Hi

To whom it may concern...

I have high functioning depression.

I’ll get “high”, go to functions anything really to get me out of this recession.

I’m numb half the time -

Melancholy creeps up on me. 

I’ll spring up sometimes but most of time I feel like winter. Damn, I thought that jump start will get me going.

I feel sessile, an immobile car in a yard helplessly waiting on my impending doom. It’s looming on the horizon. You need to catch me while I’m hot because I’m cold at times.

Everything to everyone except myself or maybe I find it hard to accept myself... and or my circumstances. Music is my favourite escape but I can’t face the music?

I’m slipping through the cracks. My passive behaviour isn’t helping. I’m the problem and the solution yet I can’t quite figure things out.

I’m ready to glean. I’m ready to sow yet I look at my garden and I can’t even smell the roses. Pensive and anxious, chasing cheques but it seems I need to figure out how to cash this reality check first.

I need to reap before the reaper comes for me.

The "Beautiful Mess" effect

It has been said that other people view us in a more positive light (perceive us with a high construal) when we show or are not afraid to show our vulnerability/flaws. Some view it as a sign of courage (but some view it as a sign of weakness). “Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me”. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable feels very uncomfortable short-term but has more rewards long-term.

If one stays true to oneself, it will be easier to know if other individuals accept/like one for who one truly is. People will find it easier to relate and connect – this helps others reciprocate this energy and actions in how they interact with one. One is more susceptible to intentional expressions of vulnerability through actions such as admitting mistakes, seeking help, apologizing (first), and/or confessing one’s intentions/feelings.

“How strongly have you shown courage”? Self-disclosure can become difficult owing to a low construal level. A low construal level is when one views their flaws concretely – this pertains to focusing on the present with great detail via secondary peripheral features that have nothing to do with the bigger picture. These can be things that are beyond one’s control – this leads to ultimately reducing oneself to a subordinate thinker and susceptible to focus on all negative aspects of the scenario. A high construal level allows us to view flaws more abstractly – one will only focus on the details that matter most in aiding one in reaching their ideal scenario. One only focuses on what they can change and actively try to do well in those tasks or within those parameters.

Ignoring imperfections or pretending that they do not exist only leads on the path of a self-defeating cycle – this will result in one attempting to please others without accepting oneself first. Hone self-talk – develop self-dialogue that will facilitate for constant reflection of self. Be open to learning with the intention of overcoming your flaws. Be a beautiful mess.

Kintsugi mirrors life.

What is life? Life can be described to be the stages between birth and death – a series of experiences including the capacity of growth, reproduction, and continual change preceding death. A much simpler description of life is that it can be described as the state of existence.

Life is very complex – there is no manual or instructions that we all have access to, to tackle life. We all experience and see life differently therefore; we all formulate or adopt philosophies that we consider to be aligned with how we experience and see life – all this is facilitated by the process of trial-and-error. Of all philosophies/ideologies, Kintsugi might be the closest thing to perfect as it can work for anyone and everyone.

Kintsugi (meaning golden joinery) is a Japanese artform of the Wabi-Sabi zen ideals. Wabi-Sabi embodies the acknowledgement and acceptance of transience and imperfection – characteristics of the Wabi-Sabi philosophy represent and promote the ideas of incompleteness, impermanence and imperfection.  

The artform of Kintsugi pertains to the process at which broken ceramics are repaired; as part of the object’s history or the preservation of the object. The object is mended together with a lacquer resin that is mixed with powdered gold. This is done with no attempt to disguise the damage – redefining the idea of wholeness.

Stages of Kintsugi include: The break, embracing the brokenness/damage and surveying the pieces (with the purpose to formulate the best way possible to restore wholeness), connecting the pieces and the final product.

·         The break – represents failure, disappointment or grievances

·         Embracing the brokenness and surveying the pieces – represents the acknowledgement of a grievance and actively evaluating how one got to that point. This entails formulating ways to overcome the issue at hand in attempt to make sure that it does not happen again.

·         Connecting the pieces – represents the implementation of the solutions established.

·         The final product – This with the powdered gold represent the glory of overcoming or reaching wholeness from a break.

Every crack represents a story – the artform also cultivates the idea of not being wasteful as one would not throw themself away (give up) after a break (experiencing failure, disappointment or grievances) – this reinforces the idea of preservation that Kintsugi is fundamentally about.

Be a different hue.

A fall short of or just a fall?

Being able to be strong for others and not be able to be strong for oneself  is weird. It’s odd how one can be everything they’ve  ever wished for to others  (or at least try to be)  but come up short for oneself.